No Way
by TwiHard24
Summary: Ah! The monkey stole my bananas!""Don't let the squirrel touch my nuts!""My wand! I thought Esme threw it away after I tried to shove it down Jasper's throat!" The Cullen's are back to school. Can Bella resist helping Emmett with his pranking? Hilarious!
1. No Way

**I need to write something funny. So deal with it. In this, Bella is a vampire-but no Nessie cuz I don't want to complicate things.**

**I don't own anything.**

**Playlist:**

**Rescue Me-Aretha Franklin **

**Sanitarium-Metalica **

Chapter 1--No Way

BPOV

"What?! Why do I have to be Emmett's sister?!" I nearly yelled. We were just starting at a new school in the northern part of Maine and _I _was stuck with posing as Emmett's sister. This can't be good.

"Because you and Emmett look the most alike," Esme explained calmly.

"Stupid hair, stupid eyes, stupid pale skin," I muttered to myself.

"Bella! You're going to be like my real sister now!" Emmett said excitedly as we exited the planed. No, no, no!

"_Yay_," I said sarcastically, but Emmett didn't seem to notice.

"This is going to be so much fun. I'm going to teach you how to be a _real _vampire," he said grinning wildly at me. I looked desperately at Edward but he just shook his head helplessly. No one can fix Emmett when he gets like this. Trust me, we've tried. A lot.

"And how exactly is that going to work?" I asked. I thought I was already a real vampire.

"Well, you have to do something awesome," he explained.

"Something awesome?" I asked with raised eyebrows as we walked toward the luggage thing.

"Yeah. Watch this," he said as he walked over to Alice. "Hey Alice," he said easily.

"Hey Em," she said.

She put a hand on his arm and he jumped back screaming, "OW! OW! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THAT?!" He pretended to cry and people who were passing by started to glare at Alice while she looked desperately around for some answer as to why Emmett lost his sanity.

He stopped and walked back over to me with a smile on his face. "See? How awesome was that?" he asked, sounding completely satisfied with himself.

"Yeah Emmett. That was wicked awesome," I said rolling my eyes.

………………………………................................................................................................

When we pulled into the parking lot of our new school all eyes zeroed in on us. Of course. Edward squeezed my hand comfortingly as we walked towards the office. "Stupid humans," I muttered.

"I hear ya," Rosalie said with a nod.

"Hello, we need to pick up our new schedules," Edward said, smiling to the slightly dazed secretary. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Names please?" she said.

"Edward and Alice Cullen, Rosalie and Jasper Hale, Emmett and Bella McCarty," he told her. I groaned inwardly. Great. No turning back now.

"Here are your schedules," she said, handing us all our separate times tables. We all stopped outside the doorway to look at our classed.

"Let me see your schedule," Emmett said, snatching it out of my hands. He suddenly gasped.

"What?" I asked.

He looked up at me with a wide grin on his face. "We have all our classes together!" he said excitedly. He was practically bouncing up and down as my eyes bugged out of my head.

"Let me see," I said snatching both mine and his schedules. I looked at the schedules and clutched my head with one hand.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked instantly.

"Room's spinning. World's ending. I have the same schedule as Emmett," I said.

"Let me check," he said grabbing our schedules. "At least we have English and A.P. Chemistry together," he said, giving me a sympathetic smile.

"How can that even be possible? Isn't Emmett supposed to be older than me?" I asked, desperate to find a mistake in this-don't get me wrong-I love Emmett but really…

"You're posing as twins," Edward told me.

"Holy God," I muttered.

"Good luck Bella," Rose said with a laugh as she and Jasper headed towards their first class.

"Yeah, you'll need it," Alice said with a grin as she walked away.

I clutched Edward's arm. "You can't leave me with that," I said throwing a pointed glance at Emmett who was trying to lick his elbow.

"Sorry Love," Edward said with a chuckle before giving me a quick kiss and heading to his first class.

"Ready to go little sis?" Emmett asked enthusiastically.

"No," I said.

"Great!" he said before grabbing my hand and dragging me towards math.

………………………………................................................................................................

"I'm bored," Emmett whispered to me as we sat at our lab tables, two minutes into Math class.

"Wow. That's depressing," I whispered back, rolling my eyes.

I saw Emmett grin out of the corner of my eye as he raised his hand. "Yes Mr. McCarty," the teacher said.

"I can say the alphabet really fast, wanna hear?" Emmett asked. The class snickered and I covered my face with my hands.

"I don't think that would-"

"ARH!" Emmett screeched loudly, the staccato sound making my highly sensitive eyes ring. "Did you hear it?" Emmett asked.

"You just yelled," a boy at the front of the class said, rolling his eyes.

"No I didn't. Now listen carefully," Emmett slowly, like he was talking to a four year old. "ARH!" he screeched again.

"Mr. McCarty, I'm going to have to ask you to wait until you are out of my class to do that," the teacher demanded sternly.

"Sorry," Emmett said with a cheeky smile. I groaned. This can't be happening to me…

………………………………................................................................................................

"I don't really like that teacher," Emmett said decisively as we walked to our next class.

"I don't think she liked you either," I said wryly.

"Well then, how rude of her; she doesn't even know me," he said, sounding truly aghast. I just rolled my eyes. "Want to do something fun next hour?" he asked me, grinning madly.

"It depends," I said, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.

"On what?" he asked.

"Does this involve fire, sharp objects, reptiles, or crayons in any way, shape, or form?" I asked.

"Damn," he muttered quietly. I snickered. "Fine, I have a new plan that doesn't involve any of that," he said as we walked into American History.

"And that would be…?" I asked.

"Just follow my lead," he said as he slid into the desk next to me.

"Hello class, I understand we have some new students today…Emmett and Isabella McCarty," the teacher said, scanning the room for unfamiliar faces. Her eyes landed on Emmett and I and she smiled. "Please stand up and introduce yourselves," she said.

Emmett jumped up immediately, nearly knocking over his desk as I stood up slowly behind him. "Please, tell us something about yourselves," she said.

"Um, I'm Bella and zebras are cool," I said slowly. The class snickered and I looked at Emmett expectantly.

"I'm Emmett!" he yelled loudly.

"Please refrain from yelling in this class Mr. McCarty," the teacher said disapprovingly.

"What?!" he yelled.

"Mr. McCarty, I will not ask you again. Please do not shout in this class," she said.

"Ah! The monkey stole my bananas! The monkey stole my bananas!" he yelled as he spun around and wildly flailed his arms around as the class burst out laughing. "Bella help!" he yelled at me.

"Oh shit," I swore quietly. "Look a monkey!" I yelled, pointing to the corner of the room.

Emmett shrieked and dove under my desk, clutching my leg for dear life. "Quiet!" the teacher roared. "Emmett. Bella. Principal's office now!" she boomed.

"Okay," I sighed. I looked down at Emmett who winked at me. "I'm not sure I can get Emmett to go though," I told her. "He has issues," I whispered.

"Clearly," she said, her eyes still blazing.

Emmett let go of my leg and curled up in a ball on the floor, rocking slowly back and forth. "Don't let the squirrel touch my nuts. Don't let the squirrel touch my nuts," he repeated over and over again as the class stared at him like he was insane.

"Come on Emmett, it's okay," I cooed like I was talking to a small child. "The squirrel won't hurt you," I said in the most serious tone I could muster.

"_But he's friends with the monkey_!" Emmett whisper yelled back.

"No look," I said, pulling a purple ruler out of my back pack. "Remember this?" I asked, waving the ruler at him and hoping he'd come up with something on his own. He did.

"My wand! You found it! I though Esme through it away after I tried to shove it down Jasper's throat," he said, jumping up and snatching it out of my hand while everyone looked at us like we were both nuts.

"Okay, now let's go see the principal," I said slowly.

His eyes grew wide as he faked being scared. "But I don't want to go. You remember what the last one did to me when we were alone," he whispered-but loud enough so everyone heard. Oh my God, what have I gotten myself into…

"It's okay, I'll be with you the hold time," I said taking his arm and guiding him towards the door. "I'm sorry, I think he forgot to take his medication this morning," I said apologetically to the teacher who was staring at us completely flabbergasted.

"It's okay dear, just go calm him down," she said pityingly. Yep, I feel bad for me too.

Suddenly Emmett whirled around and pointed the ruler/wand directly into a blond boy's face. "Emmett, what are you doing?" I asked.

"He's in cahoots with the monkey," he muttered in a deadly voice.

"No he's not. He's never even met the monkey," I said soothingly.

"Are you sure?" Emmett asked me. I had to admit, I felt bad for the boy who had a ruler directed at his face. He looked like he was about to crap his pants.

"I'm positive," I said slowly.

I lead Emmett outside the door and when it clicked behind us we both looked at each other and burst out laughing. "You were brilliant!" he exclaimed, picking me up and twirling me around.

"So were you. That was actually kind of fun," I admitted, surprised at myself.

Emmett grinned wickedly. "Then you'll have a blast in biology," he said. Maybe I shouldn't have said that…

**What did you think?? I can continue with their day if you want?? I get bored and I start writing random stuff when I have writer's block. REVIEW and make my horrible day a little bit better.**


	2. Army Of Squirrels

**Wow. You guys reviewed that first chapter like crazy. Here's another one!**

**Still don't own anything-not even Emmett's invisible monkey stalker…well maybe I own **_**him**_**.**

Chapter 2--Army Of Squirrels

"How may I help you?" the secretary asked as Emmett and I walked into the office.

"We were, uh, sent to the principal's office," I told her.

She looked completely surprised. "Really? On your first day?" she asked incredulously. We nodded. "Well…just hang out in the hall for few minutes. Class is almost over anyway," she whispered, giving us a wink. I smiled. I liked her-she is forgiven for gawking Edward…for now.

"Thanks! Let's go sis," Emmett said, throwing and arm around me and leading me out the door. Once we in the hall he smiled down evilly at me. "Good. Now we can get supplies," he said. Oh no.

………………………………................................................................................................

"You really think this is going to work?" I asked as we sat in the tree outside of the school building. We could see right into the Spanish class-which means we had a perfect view of Edward and Jasper who were looking completely bored.

"Of course it'll work," Emmett said certainly. Then his eyes grew wide and he looked at me. "How is Edward not hearing this?" he asked. He gasped as he answered his own question a huge smile growing on his face. "You're blocking me, aren't you?" he asked, clearly delighted with this fact.

I rolled my eyes. "You may be an annoying pain in the ass but I don't want Edward to kill you," I said.

"You _do_ love me," he said happily, giving me the best hug he could manage-I mean hello, we're in a tree.

"Thank you captain obvious," I said rolling my eyes again. "If I didn't love my big brother, would I really be up in a tree about to pummel my husband with-"

"Shh," he hissed as he leaned forward on the branch. I would laugh so hard if he fell right now. Maybe if I could give him a little nudge… "Don't even think about it Isabella Marie Swan Mason Cullen," Emmett said, not even looking back at me.

"I though Edward was the mind reader," I said.

"I'm just a good guesser," he said. "Ready?" he asked.

"Yep," I said.

He motioned for me to go lower and I followed him and landed lithely on a branch. "One, two, fire," Emmett said. We both rapidly launched the mayonnaise-filled balloons into the classroom. Students jumped up and shrieked as they were hit in the head. The Spanish teacher got one right in the face-Emmett-and ran out the room instantly.

We threw most of them at Edward and Jasper because they were the last ones out because they were sitting in the back and couldn't exactly run over any humans to get out of our line of fire. I'm actually surprised they stick around to see what was going on.

Emmett snorted when the class was cleared out. "Pansies," he muttered.

I smacked his arm. "That's my husband you're talking about," I defended.

"Who's fault is that?," he said in mock seriousness. I rolled my eyes.

………………………………................................................................................................

"Are you ready for _this_?" Emmett asked as we walked into our biology class.

"What exactly is 'this?" I asked cautiously as I took the seat next to him.

"Oh, you shall see my dear sister. You shall see," he said, wriggling his eyebrows.

"Hello class, I'm Mr. Banner and I will be your biology teacher this year for those who don't me," he said, looking specifically at Emmett and I. "Today we are going to create an ultraviolet light and how we're going to do this is-"

"-Hey Bella," Emmett whispered to me.

"What?" I asked annoyed. Can he just shut up for two minutes?

"Look. Look at what I drew," he said excitedly as he pointed to his notebook. I leaned over to see a poorly drawn rubber ducky. I looked at him with raised eyebrows and he grinned at me.

"Please turn on your Bunsen burners and begin the project," Mr. Banner said.

Emmett let out a maniacal laugh as he turned on the gas. "FIRE!" he yelled, and started laughing again-he sounded completely insane. The class all turned around to stare at him as Emmett gazed at the flame with wild eyes. This can't be good.

"Yes Mr. McCarty. Fire," Mr. Banner said mockingly.

Emmett looked up and glared at him. "You just wait. In three years when I have my army of squirrels trained you will suffer. _Suffer_," he said menacingly.

I sighed and put my face in my hands. Will this ever end? "Is that a threat?" Mr. Banner asked angrily.

"What? You shouldn't bother students when they're trying to work on their labs Mr. Banner, sir. It' rude," Emmett said as if they hadn't just been talking. Mr. Banner looked at him like he was insane before going back to his desk.

I glared at Emmett. "Do you really think that was a good idea?" I asked.

"No. But this is," he said before taking out his phone and dialing a number. He turned around so Mr. Banner wouldn't see as the phone started ringing. And what was weird was so did another phone in the room…

"Hello?" Mr. Banner's voice came from the front of the room. Oh shit.

"Hello, Mr. Banner I would just like to inform you that your car is parked on a llama," Emmett said in a voice that was about an octave higher than it should be.

"A _what_?" Mr. Banner asked incredulously.

"A llama. That's with two L's," Emmett said into the phone.

"I can assure you have the wrong car," Mr. Banner insisted.

"I don't think so. Does your vehicle have a bumper sticking on the back that reads: CAUTION! I brake for hookers?" Emmett asked in a serious tone.

I looked back at Mr. Banner and spluttered as his face turned red in embarrassment. "Uh, I suppose you _do _have the right car then…," he trailed. My mouth dropped open. No. Way.

"Obviously. Now we would really appreciate it if you would unrun over that poor llama-and I hope you are fully aware that you are responsible for all damages," Emmett said.

"Yes, thank you. Bye," Mr. Banner said before hanging up his cell phone. Emmett hung up his phone and turned around just as he stood up. "I'll be right back, keep working on your projects," he said before walking quickly out of his room.

"Now the fun begins," Emmett said standing up and cranking up the Bunsen burner.

"Emmett…," I warned.

"Don't be such a worry-wart Bella. Nothing's going to happen see?" he said as he swept his hand over the fire. He giggled to himself and just kept running it back and forth over the flame. And then his pinky caught on fire. "OH MY SWEET JESUS! I'M BURNING! HOLY CRAP! I'M GONNA DIE!" he yelled frantically as he ran around the room-thankfully it was human speed.

I jumped up and shoved him into the emergency shower and the rest of the class stared at us. I slammed my hand against the button and Emmett was immediately soaked with water and the fire on his pinky was just smoking a little. I slid open the door and Emmett slowly walked out, looking at his hand as water dripped on the floor. I looked at his pinky. Just the tip of it missing-it could have been so much worse.

"You got me wet," Emmett said suddenly.

"Your pinky was on fire!" I exclaimed, ignoring the stares we got from our classmates.

"Who cares! Do you know how long it takes to do my hair in the morning!?" he said as he feigned anger. Oh he is so dead now…

"About twice as long as it takes for you to put on your man-liner," I snapped back. I saw his lips twitch and I knew he knew I was playing along.

"At least I don't _pluck my eyebrows_-or should I say eye_brow_," he said with a smirk.

I gasped dramatically. "You take that back!" I yelled.

"Never!" he yelled before running away at a human pace. I darted after him as he weaved in and out of lab tables, carefully going around the humans.

I got him corner and found a scalpel on one of the tables-probably left over from a different lab. I pointed it at him and a slow smile crept to my face as he made his eyes widen. "You wouldn't do that," he said.

"Would I brother dear? You always get everything you want. What do I get? Nothing! It's always been about _you_," I pretended to say, sounding like a complete maniac. "Emmett got an A, Emmett's on the football team, Emmett has his first armpit hair-well you know what? I don't care!" I yelled. The class was completely silent as they stared at us.

"Come on Bella. It's not my fault. I don't ask Mom and Dad to give me special treatment, I swear!" he said as he inched away from me and I stepped closer.

I quirked an eyebrow at him and he nodded slightly-not enough for anyone but me to notice. I pulled back my hand and chucked the scalpel at Emmett just as he ducked down. I stuck into the wall and the handle vibrated against the impact. Then Emmett pulled out his wand.

"I command you and all that is magical to _stop trying to kill me_! I hate it when you do that!" he said as he pointed the purple ruler at me.

I snorted. "You're not a _wizard_," I told him with a smirk.

"Yes I am! Mom told me I was!" he said childishly.

"Mom was lying," I pretended to taunt. "She lies all the time," I said, pacing back and forth.

"No she doesn't," Emmett said quietly. Man, vampires are really good actors.

"Yes she does. Want to know another lie?" I asked. "You're not really my brother. We found in a cardboard box and no one thought anyone would notice that we weren't related because we had the same eyes and the same hair," I said.

"That isn't true," he said.

"Are you sure?" I asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"What is going on in here!?" a voice bellowed as the door opened. Mr. Banner walked into the room and you could tell he was already anger from the vein pulsing in his head. He looked at Emmett who was soaking wet and clutching a ruler and blinked. "What happened?" he asked.

"Emmett had an accident," I said giving him a sweet smile. "Do you mind if I go to the car with him? The keys are in my locker and he needs some new clothes," I said.

"Sure, I'll write you two passes," he said as he took out a pad of paper. I looked at Emmett and grinned. Looks like we just bought us some free time…

**What did you think?? I think Bella acting insane is pretty funny, don't you?? PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	3. Call Her Jeff

**Here's another chapter…**

**Still don't own Twilight. At all. Not even if you try buying it off EBay, it doesn't work. Trust me.**

Chapter 3--Call Her Jeff

"What are we going to do next?" I asked Emmett as he walked out of the locker room with a fresh pair of clothes. Thank God for Alice.

"Well, we messed with Edward and Jasper so that leaves…," he trailed off as a grin spread across his face.

"We can't prank Alice, she'll see it long before we get anywhere near her," I pointed out. Duh.

"That's because I have several plans," Emmett said, tapping his forehead with his index finger.

"_Oh_, I see," I said. Wow. Emmett being smart. Never thought I'd see the day…

"You're being mean," he said.

"What? No I'm not," I said. All I said was 'I see.' How is that mean?

"In your head you're being mean," he said. I looked at him incredulously. How did he know that? "I know things," he said matter-of-factly. _Okay_…

………………………………................................................................................................

"Okay, ready?" he asked me, looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Sure," I said with a shrug. There were several different scenarios that could play out with this plan. Personally, I was hoping for the plan that wouldn't make Alice kill me. Whichever plan _that _was…

We crouched down as we snuck down the hall. We both knew that Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper all had their next class together and that, right now, that classroom was empty. We walked slowly down the halls, with our back pressed stealthily against the wall. When we reached a corner, Emmett froze and looked at me with wide eyes. "Alice," he mouthed.

I bit my lip as Alice turned the corner. I grabbed her arm and yanked her to the ground with me and Emmett. "What the hell are you guys doing?!" she whisper-yelled, looking around for any sign of a teacher.

"Shouldn't you already know that?" I whispered back.

Her eyes glazed over for a couple seconds and then a wide grin spread across her face. "So; are you in, or are you out?" Emmett asked, pealing off a bit of duct tape that he got from who-knows-where with a mischievous grin.

"I'm in," she said with a smile. Then she looked at Emmett. "Put that away," she snapped.

He pouted. "I like Bella better than you anyways," he mumbled dejectedly.

………………………………................................................................................................

EPOV

My nose wrinkled as I smelled the mayonnaise that was still clinging to my clothes. I don't know how that happened or who did it but Jasper and I didn't want to stick around to find out when it was happening. Ew.

"Where's Alice?" Jasper asked as we walked down the hall to our next class.

I tried to search the minds around me but came up completely blank. With all of them. I groaned. "I don't know," I admitted.

"You don't know?" Jasper asked incredulously.

"Bella's blocking everyone," I told him.

He snorted. "That's what you get for leaving her with the terrible twin," he said with a smirk.

I glared at him while hoping that Bella really isn't mad at me. I'll have to make it up to her. When Jasper and I walked into the classroom we both stopped short. Several students we examining desks that looked like they had collapsed to the ground. "What the…?" I trailed off.

"Humans," Jasper muttered, shaking his head.

"Hey," Rosalie said, coming in the door behind us. "What happened?" she asked with a smirk on her face as she looked at all the confused humans.

"No clue," I told her as we all walked to sit down in the same row. We sat down and our desks all collapsed underneath us and we crashed to the ground. All our mouths were hanging open as we looked at one another. How…

Everyone in the room burst our laughing as they looked at our completely shocked expressions. Rosalie turned and glared at them all, efficiently silencing their laughter as she stood up. "Who the hell did that Edward?" she whisper-yelled to me angrily. I'm glad I can't read her mind right now…

"Calm down Rosalie," Jasper muttered. She let out a low hiss at him.

"I don't know Rosalie, I can't hear anybody," I told her quietly.

She smirked, seeming satisfied with something. "Bella's blocking everyone?" she asked.

"Yes," I told her. And it's _extremely _irritating.

She let out a little laugh. "Good for her," she said before walking over to another desk. She lightly tapped it with her finger and it collapsed. She growled quietly. "Son of a-"

………………………………................................................................................................

BPOV

One class before lunch. One. More. Class. "What do we have next?" Emmett asked me.

I took out my schedule. "Uh…Life Science," I told him, turning to the room we were supposed to be in.

He grinned. "Sweet."

I looked at him sternly as we sat down. Okay, I've done whatever he wanted me to do so far-but not this time. "Don't do anything stupid Em," I told him.

"Wouldn't dream of it," he said with an all too innocent smile.

"Oh my God, who is _that_?" the girl who was sitting behind me asked in a dazed voice.

I looked over to the door and a huge smile broke across my face as he headed in this direction. "Edward, what are you doing here?" I asked in surprise. "We weren't supposed to have a class together until after lunch," I said. Not that I minded. He's a welcome relief.

"I transferred after last hour. I felt bad about leaving you alone with him," he said, looking pointedly at Emmett who was playing with a life-sized skeleton. Well, he wasn't really _playing_ as much as he was dancing with it.

"Bella, meet Ruth," he said as he danced passed us. "She's your new sister in law," he told me.

I looked at Edward exasperatedly. "Sorry," he said again. "But do you really have to block everyone's thoughts?" he asked pleadingly.

I smiled smugly. He thought I was doing it because I was mad at him. Ha. Yeah right. I just didn't want to admit that I actually went along with Emmett's antics.

"Yes. I do," I said, sitting down as the teacher walked in. Emmett sat back down on my right and Edward sat on my left.

"Good morning class. I'm Mrs. Elms and I will be you Life Sciences teacher," she said. "To start off our school year we are going to do a partner project," she said before reaching under he desk and pulling out one of those electronic, super sensitive, realistic, babies. Oh no.

Five hands shot up in the air at once. "I will be choosing your partners," she said sternly. The hands came down. "You are to carry around these babies with you everywhere you go for this entire week," she told us. "Feed it, change it, bath it, dress it. You're it's parents, treat the child as if it was really yours. The partners are: Becky and Thomas, Ronda and Dave, Edward and Tori," the girl behind me squealed quietly as Edward shot me a withering look. I just smiled sympathetically at him as I plotted ways to convince the teacher to let me be his partner instead. This Tori girl better not try pull anything… "…Emmett and Bella, Ri-"

"-What?!" I interrupted.

"You are partners with Emmett," she said slowly. No way.

"But I can't be his partner. He's my brother!" I said, I know I'm grasping for straws here but _Emmett_?

"It's just pretend Ms. McCarty," she said. "It'll be easier for the both of you, trust me," she said. I tried not to snort. Working with Emmett was _not _easy. At all.

After she assigned the rest of the partners she took out a huge box full of the babies. She talked as she passed them out to all of us. "You'll have to work out a schedule with your partners on who has the baby when. You'll also have to figure out names and all of that fun stuff," she said as she handed me a baby. "You have the rest of the class to get to know your partner and work out a schedule."

I groaned and scooted my desk closer to Emmett's. "Let me see the baby," he said, snatching it off my desk and making it begin to cry.

"Gentle Mr. McCarty," Mrs. Elms said as she walked by.

"Give it to me," I said, grabbing the baby and rocking it back and forth, making it stop crying.

"Let me-"

"-No," I said, pulling the baby back as Emmett reached for it. "I am not failing because of you. I want to try and be a physical therapist this time around and you are not ruining for me," I told him with a glare.

"I'll be careful," he insisted. I sighed and handed over the baby. "Is it a boy or a girl?" he asked as he looked at the baby.

"I don't know, check," I said with a shrug.

"I'm not checking, you check!" he said, holding the baby out to me.

"Check it yourself," I said, pushing the baby back towards him.

He glared at me and looked in the front of his diapers. "This boy is as flat as Ken," he said.

"Emmett," I said, rolling my eyes. "You are _such _an _idiot_."

"What?" he asked, confused.

"It means, that the baby is a girl," I told him.

He grinned widely. "I'll call her Jeff," he proclaimed.

"I said _girl_ Emmett," I repeated.

"I heard you," he said rolling his eyes. "Do you want Jeff first, or should I take her?" Oh my Carlisle, what has the world come to?

**What is Emmett going to do with Jeff? What is Edward's partner like? Will Bella survive the day?? REVIEW AND FIND OUT!**


	4. Lost Monkey Baby

**You guys all seem excited about Jeff. Well, here he is…again.**

**I don't own anything. Except Jeff. I own her.**

Chapter 4--Lost Monkey Baby

"Emmett, where's Jeff?" I asked as he walked up to our table, empty handed.

"I don't know," he said as he sat down.

"What do you mean _you don't know_?" I hissed. He couldn't have lost the baby this soon! We've had it for a half hour!

"The monkey took her," he said.

"What monkey?" Jasper asked.

"There is no monkey," I snapped, not really meaning to.

"There _so_ is a monkey," Emmett said, folding his arms.

"Okay, there's a monkey. Now where's Jeff?" I asked.

"Who's Jeff?" Rosalie asked as she sat down beside Emmett. She should've known him longer before she married him…

"I think Jeff's a monkey," Jasper said.

Emmett snorted. "Jeff is not a monkey," he said. "Jeff is my daughter," he said.

Rosalie's eyebrows shot up. "You have a daughter…named Jeff?" she asked.

"Yep. She's mine and Bella's," he said.

I slapped my forehead with my palm. Not only is he trying to fail me, he's trying to get me killed! "What?" Rosalie snapped.

"It's for Life Science," I told her.

"Oh," she said, blinking her eyes a couple times. "Where is it?" she asked, looking around.

"I don't know," I mumbled.

"You lost a baby?" she asked.

"No. _I _lost the baby," Emmett said with a grin. At least he's taking the blame for…he _what?!_

"You _lost _her?!" I exclaimed.

"Jeff is a her?" Jasper asked.

"Who's Jeff?" Alice asked as she sat down.

"A lost monkey baby or something like that," Jasper told her.

"Uh…okay," Alice said as she looked at all of us confused.

"Where's Edward?" Rosalie asked suddenly. Good question…

"I told you we are not really married!" Edward yelled at a girl as they walked into the cafeteria.

"You shouldn't say those types of things in front of Edward Jr. you know," she said as she rocked a fake baby back and forth.

Edward let out a low growl and came to sit down next to me while the rest of us fought laughter. "Why do I always get stuck with the crazy ones?" he mumbled.

"It's payback," Emmett said simply.

"What are you talking about Emmett? Payback for what?" Edward asked.

"Payback for when you told on me for stealing Carlisle's laughing gas," he said.

"What does that have to do with me getting the worst partner imaginable?" he asked.

"Everything! Why do you think I stole the partner's list?!" he asked.

"You _what_?" I nearly shrieked. He got to change the partner list and didn't even give me a non-mentally challenged partner?!

"I changed it. You and Edward were originally paired up but I figured-"

"-Emmett I am so going to kill you," I hissed.

"You wouldn't leave our baby fatherless, would you?" he asked, trying to subtly scoot his chair farther away from me.

"It wasn't my fault that crane ran you over," I said with a smile on my face.

"What crane?" he asked.

"The one I'm renting when we get home," I said with a smug smile as his eyes widened.

"Calm down you two," Jasper muttered. "You're going to rip his head off Bella," he said.

"Is that guaranteed?" I asked hopefully. Emmett just stuck his tongue out at me and I turned to Rosalie. "Rose, I will pay you twelve thousand dollars to go make out with that guy over there," I said, pointing to a decent looking human in a letterman's jacket. Oh. That was wand boy from this morning. Poor guy.

She wrinkled her nose. "Why?" she asked in a disgusted tone.

"So Emmett will kill him and get expelled," I said.

"Oh please," Emmett scoffed. "I would wait till we're out of school to kill the kid. I would rent a plane, kidnap the loser, fly it thirty thousand feet in the air, dangle him out the door for a couple of minutes, drop him and then crash the plane. I wouldn't get expelled for that," he said with a wave of his hand.

I let out a growl and lunged for him just as Edward grabbed my arm and pulled me back down. "Bella, you need to calm down," Jasper said, pushing soothing waves towards me.

"Calm down?" I asked with a laugh. "Calm _down_?" I asked again, sounding completely hysterical. "How can I be calm when I have _every single class _with _that _moron. I've been sent to the principal's twice today! I had to shove him in an emergency shower when his pinky caught on fire! I had to walk him to the bathroom after he had an 'accident' in Math class!" I exclaimed. My entire family was staring at me incredulously after my outburst-plus a few people from surrounding tables that heard me. "I'm going to go outside for a minute," I said before heading towards the door.

"I'm going to go with her," I heard Edward say.

"No, I'll go talk to her. It's my fault," Emmett said as the door closed behind me. I walked around to the parking lot before stopping so Emmett could catch up to me. I turned around and grinned. "That was brilliant!" he said, picking me up in a hug and twirling me around. "Edward thought you snapped your twig!"

I laughed and then a mischievous grin started to form on my face. "Ready for Phase 2?" I asked.

**Bwahahaha!! What did you think about THAT?! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW AND I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHAPTER ASAP!**


	5. Whiz Of A Wiz

**Sorry I haven't updated this story in so long! I've been really busy! But…at least I'm updating now, right???**

**I don't own anything…yet.**

Chapter 5--Whiz Of A Wiz

"What class do we have next?" I asked Emmett as we approached our lockers. We were even locker neighbors.

"Gym," he said with a sly smile.

I grinned. I didn't mind gym now that I was coordinated. We quickly headed into the locker rooms and changed, meeting on the bleachers in the gym. "Alright, today, we're playing volleyball. The team's are…"

Emmett and I were on a team. Of course.

"Hey Emmett?" I asked as we positioned ourselves with the rest of our team. "Where _is _Jeff?" I asked curiously.

"You'll find out soon enough," he said with a devilish grin. _Great._

Our team served the ball first and the other team quickly returned it, sending it to the opposite side of my and Emmett's side of the court. On the next return though, it went straight to Emmett who was standing slightly behind me.

"Ah!" he screamed. He kicked the ball away from him and sent it flying straight into the guy of an unsuspecting boy on the other team. He doubled over in pain and gasped for breath as I silently scoffed. He hadn't kicked it that hard.

"Are you alright Berkley?" the gym teacher asked the boy.

"Yeah, I'm okay Coach," the guy said, straightening up. "At least it didn't hit her," he said, winking at me.

My nose wrinkled in disgust as the Coach laughed. "Good thinking," the teacher said before heading to the side of the court again. The other team got the ball and we rotated spots, I ended up directly on the other side of the net as the Berkley kid with Emmett right next to me.

"Hey babe," he said with a cocky grin. "I'm Jason," he introduced as the ball was served.

"Bella," I said in a disinterested tone.

"So, you're new here?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"Want to go out sometime?" he asked, grinning widely as if he knew I'd just be dieing to go _anywhere _with him.

"Yes. I'll meet you on the dock. I have a boat, some rope, and a weight," I said with fake enthusiasm as his face deflated into a scowl and Emmett howled with laughter next to me.

"Whatever bitch," the guy muttered.

Emmett and I stopped laughing and glared at the kid. The ball then came over the net and directly to Emmett. "Bella," he called as he set the ball.

I smirked as I jumped easily in the air and spiked the ball directly in front of Jason's head so it landed at his feet with an echoing _smack _that echoed across the gym as the ball popped on impact.

"Oops," I said, shrugging innocently as everyone stared at me incredulously.

"Uh…," the gym teacher trailed off, stunned as he looked at the flattened ball. "How about we have a free gym period?" he suggested.

There were enthusiastic shouts as Emmett and I grinned at each other. He gave me a high five. "I wasn't sure if you were going to do it," he said as we headed toward the equipment closet.

"Oh, I'm going to do more than that," I muttered and Emmett grinned excitedly.

We got our a small rubber ball and a stupid little plastic bat so I could pitch to Emmett and he could lightly hit it around the gym-well, light for Emmett. On my first pitch Emmett deliberately swung and released the bat, sending it flying towards the back of Jason's head. It cracked against his skull and he lurched forward.

"What the hell?!" he yelled as he whipped around to glare at Emmett. He marched right over and stood face to face with Emmett who was at least four inches taller than him. "You're that retard everyone's been going on about, right?" he asked Emmett.

I glared at the guy. Okay, clearly, this guy is the biggest ass hole alive. I mean, come on, everyone knew we were just messing with them earlier, right?

"You shouldn't say mean words," Emmett said childishly.

I glare turned into a smile. Only Emmett. The Jason guy laughed. "Sorry," he said sarcastically before walking away.

I turned to Emmett with a raised eyebrow. He smirked. "He's going down," he said. "Bella, go fetch Jeff," Emmett said.

"I don't know where Jeff _is_," I pointed out.

Emmett sighed. "I wasn't going to tell you but I guess I have to now, right?" he asked. "I put her in thefemebermarim," he mumbled.

I raised my eyebrows. "The what?"

"The femebermarim," he mumbled again.

"Emmett," I warned.

"The vents above the gym!" he yelled.

My mouth popped open. "You did _not_," I muttered. He just nodded sheepishly. "Fine. You're getting her," I said.

"But Bella I have to-"

"-No. You do it," I demanded.

He sighed. "_Fine_," he sighed before sneaking out the door. This can _not _be good.

………………………………................................................................................................

"Hey Bella," Emmett said, trying to sound casual as he walked back in the gym, holding something behind his back.

"Emmett, what's behind your back?" I asked carefully.

He pursed his lips and showed me what he was hiding. My mouth popped open. "Before you say anything, I would just like to point out the fact that I have some very embarrassing information of your little antics today and I am fully prepared to share them with Edward," he said quickly.

I rolled my eyes. Like _that's _what I care about. "Emmett! You…_melted _her," I said incredulously. It's not like Jeff was like a melted glob of plastic but her features were drooping and the colors that were in her eyes and hair looked like they dripped down her face.

"I didn't mean to! It's not even cold or anything-the heat should've been on in the first place," he defended.

"We are so failing," I muttered. "Emmett," I said as I took Jeff out of his hands. "Go fetch," I said as I threw Jeff into the air and on top of this huge platform looking thing on the ceiling of the gym.

He grinned at me and I smiled back. This'll be interesting.

………………………………................................................................................................

About five minutes later Emmett was forty feet off the ground, clutching a rope for dear life and screaming like a little girl who had a spider on her face. "How the hell did he get up there?!" the gym teacher yelled as the entire class gathered around under the climbing rope.

"I don't know!" I yelled back at him, trying to do my job as a frantic sister.

"Aaaaahhhhh!" Emmett screamed again. He sounded as if he was about to burst into tears.

"Why did he climb up there in the first place?" someone asked.

"He's trying to save the baby," I told them calmly.

"The baby?" the teacher asked.

"Emmett! Throw her down!" I called up to him. The entire class stared at me incredulously.

"Okay!" Emmett called back down cheerily.

The class immediately started to yell up at him not to do it. He dangled Jeff by her arm and some of the girls in the class screamed. "Heads up!" he yelled before dropping her.

Just about _everyone _in the class screamed then, scrambling to catch Jeff while I just stood there and tried not to laugh. One of the boys ended up catching her and then it was silent. "What the hell?" he asked, confused.

"Jeff!" I exclaimed, rushing over and gathering the slightly melted baby in my arms. "Thank you so much for saving her!" I said, throwing my arms around the guys and kissing him on the cheek. I gagged in my mouth and spit on the gym floor when no one was looking. Ew.

"No problem," the guy said in a dazed tone.

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" Emmett screamed again, exaggerating it a little more to get the attention back to him. What a child.

"He's afraid of heights!" I told the teacher.

"Can't he just climb back down?" one of the guys asked.

"Come on Emmett! You can do it!" I encourage.

"I'm going to jump!" he declared.

"It's forty freaking feet! You're going to kill yourself!" some girl yelled up at him.

"Jump!" about two guys yelled at the same time. I glanced back. It was that Jason kid and one of his friends. I wonder what Edward would think about him…

"One, two, three!" Emmett yelled before letting go of the rope and dropping from the top. A bunch of girls let out shrieks and everyone cleared out of the way. I chucked Jeff at some random person and ran underneath Emmett. I caught him bridal style in my arms. "Hey sister," he said as I held him.

I had to admit; it was really weird. He's, like, triple my size and he's lighter than a teddy bear. The entire class was staring at us incredulously. "Hey brother," I said, setting him down.

The bell rang but no one moved. Emmett gasped. "Thief!" he exclaimed, snatching Jeff out of some guy's hand. "Get your hands off of my precious Jeff!" he yelled at the kid as he held Jeff protectively. "Come on Belly, it's time to see the wizard!" Emmett said, linking his arm in mine as he held Jeff with the other one.

We started skipping toward the locker room doors, skipping and singing at the top of our lungs:

"_We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. We hear he is a Whiz of a Wiz. If ever a Wiz there was. If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was. The Wizard of Oz is one because. Because, because, because, because, because. Because of the wonderful things he does. We're off to see the wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz!"_

"And now…we're going to take care of the Wicked Witch of the West," Emmett said as we exited the doors.

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Who?"

"The principal," he smirked. And there goes the rest of my high school career.

**Soooo, what did you guys think?? Favorite part? Favorite line? Are you excited for Edward beheading Jason later on???? Bet you are! But what are they going to do to their new principal? Something that might get the rest of the Cullen kids in trouble maybe:D REVIEW!**


	6. Lioness To Grizzly

**Sorry I haven't updated in awhile! Not my fault! But-Hazah!-a new chapter is afoot! Dun dun dun!**

**I don't anything!!!**

**Playlist For Chapter:**

**Secret Agent Man-Jonny Rivers**

**Mission Impossible Theme Song**

**The Hell Song-Sum41**

Chapter 6--Lioness To Grizzly

"So what's the plan?" I whispered as we silently walked down the halls during our Geography class. Yeah, we're skipping class. It's too late to save my reputation with the teachers now. I swear Emmett is using some kind of mind-control shampoo on me or something.

"Come on, I'll tell you in H.Q.," he whispered before taking my wrist and pulling me down another hallway.

"H.Q.?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Headquarters," he told me.

"I know what that means," I hissed at him.

"Right here," he said, opening a janitor's closet and pushing me in. He shut the door behind him and flicked on the light. I blinked in surprise as he set Jeff on a reclining chair and then plopped down on a little loveseat. There was a coffee table by the loveseat and another table with a little TV on it. Then there was a shelf containing a bunch of prank supplies. He had this place all set up!

"Emmett, when did you do all this?" I asked incredulously as I picked up Jeff, put her on the table, and sat in the chair.

"You know when I went to the bathroom second period?" he asked. I nodded my head. "It's amazing what can be accomplished in a mere two minutes," he said.

"And the janitors aren't going to say anything?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I stole the keys and changed the locks to double-bolt. The only way they're going to get in here is if they brake the door down and I'll know when they're planning to do that," he said easily.

"How?" I asked.

"My spy cams," he said. "Observe," he said slyly before flicking on the little TV. I stared in surprise as four separate rooms appeared. One showed the entire hall that this room was in. Another showed the front office where the secretary was typing away on her computer. Another was the entire cafeteria, you could see the entire thing and even into the kitchen a little bit. The last screen was the principals office. She was on her phone and looking over the computer all at once.

I grinned slyly at Emmett and we pounded fists. We're in.

………………………………................................................................................................

I watched from H.Q. as Emmett crept down-aw jeez! He's even got me calling the freaking closet Headquarters. Oh man.

Anyway, he crouched down behind a garbage can near the entrance to the office. He looked at the camera and waved as he spoke into his Walkie-talkie. "Hey Bella! Can you see me?" he asked excitedly.

"Yep," I said into mine.

He gave me a thumbs up and calmed down a bit. "Grizzly Bear to Lioness, Grizzly Bear to Lioness. My position is locked and I am ready to approach the subject. Do I have a clear?" he asked seriously into the talkie.

My eyes flickered around the screen. Hall clear, lunch room still empty, secretary still typing, and principal in position.

"Targets are in position and base is all clear," I told him.

I watched him as he tugged on his ear lobe and stood up-signaling that he's going in. I watched him as he walked confidently up to the desk, up to the secretary. His Walkie-talkie clicked on and I grinned. "Hello, how can I help you dear?" the secretary asked.

"My sister Bella threw up in the cafeteria," he told her. "She's in the bathroom right now and I wasn't sure who to tell…," he trailed off, pretending to be a bit anxious. Aw, what a loving brother!

"Oh my," the woman said, standing up. "I'll go with Mr. Bates and get it all cleaned up. When your sister comes out of the bathroom you can meet in here Mr…," she trailed off, not knowing his name.

"Brown. Jason Brown," he told her. I snorted a laugh. That was that kid from gym! Brilliant!

"Alright, I'll be back in about fifteen minutes," she said before scurrying out of the room.

Emmett waited until she was out of hearing distance and raised the talkie up to his mouth. "What a nice woman. I almost feel bad for tricking her…nah!" he said as he chuckled. "Alright Lioness, Grizzly is in position. Have the targets located the decoy?" he asked.

I looked back at the bottom screen, the one that showed the lunchroom. In the far corner of the floor is a little creation that Emmett and I concocted. Microwaved wet dog food. Sprinkle some crushed nuts, a couple bacon bits and-BAM-your very own home-made vomit.

I watched as the secretary and a janitor with a mop approached the back corner of the lunch room where I 'threw up.' They both walked towards it and stopped. Not because they wanted to-but because they were stuck. Contact Super Glue. One of the most wonderful inventions ever created.

I watched with a slight smirk on my face as they tried to pry their feet off the ground. Finally, the janitor decided to do the most obvious thing and take off his shoes. But Emmett had already super glued those too. I don't know how he did it-but he did.

"The targets are jammed and I'm on my way," I told him.

"Make sure you bring the goods. Over," Emmett said.

"Copy that," I said as I grabbed the backpack that was resting on the table-Jeff tucked in one of the sections, her head and arms poking out. What? She said we had to take her everywhere…

I slipped out of the closet, locking the door behind me and bolted silently down the hall and into the office. "Bout time you showed up," Emmett said as he stood up.

I rolled my eyes. "That took me four seconds," I hissed at him.

"Yeah, well, it would've taken me three," he said childishly.

I rolled my eyes and lead the way to the principal's door and knocked lightly. "Come in Tiffany," the principal called-isn't that sad? I don't even know the principal's _name._ Tsk. Tsk.

Emmett opened the door and we both slowly walked in. she looked at the two of us with a raised eyebrow. "And how may I help you two?" she asked, folding her hands and looking at us condescendingly. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Come on. We were _both _older than this woman.

Emmett sat down on the chair in front of her desk and I followed his lead, not sure where this was going. I knew where'd it'd end-just not exactly which to turn we'd take where. "Well you see, I have this problem," Emmett started.

"And what is this problem of yours?" she asked.

"Well, I believe one of the faculty members is being purposely rude and condescending to my sister and I and I don't appreciate that at all. I'm not sure what to do about it," he said. "I mean," he began, cutting her off as she opened her mouth to speak. "I normally solve this kind of problem by hitting them but I don't think that'd be acceptable here," he said, sounding completely sincere as he spoke. Oh jeez.

"Well you are most certainly correct," she said, sounding slightly astonished.

"So you can help?" I asked.

"Well there's not much I can do for you," she said.

"Aren't you supposed to be there boss or something? You can tell them to stop making asses out of themselves when we correct them," Emmett said bluntly. Ah. _This _is where he's going with it? He wants to wild her up beforehand. Pretty good idea.

"Excuse me young man but I will not tolerate that kind of behavior in my school," she said, standing up. Oh, bad move lady.

"Well excuse us old woman but don't wish to be spoken to disrespectfully," I shot back before I could stop myself.

"I am calling your parents and we are all going to sit down and have a talk," she said, sitting back down her chair as she typed furiously on her computer, glancing back at us to glare every once in a while.

"Oh, I don't think you want to do that," Emmett said with a sly grin as we stood up slowly.

She pushed slightly away from her desk and crossed her arms over her chest. "And why not?" she asked in a deadly voice. Then we moved so fast we blurred.

………………………………................................................................................................

I sat criss-crossed on the top of principal what's-her-butt's desk as Emmett sprawled across the floor. "That was _way _too easy," he said, looking at the mobile screen for the spy cams. The janitor and secretary were still stuck to the floor and were now just sitting there, trying to pull their shoes off the ground. It's only been about three minutes so the halls were still empty and Principal Fluff-and-Stuff is tied up, and locked in her closet with her new bright purple hair. It looks just fabulous.

Emmett suddenly jumped up excitedly. "I know what we can do," he said, jumping over the desk and plopping down in the rolly chair. He grabbed the intercom thing and pulled it towards him. I grinned. Brilliant. He flipped it on and cleared his throat. "Attention students of Willington High; Jason Brown you are requested not to call Isabella McCarty a bitch. Her family will meet you in the parking lot after school. Please enjoy your weekend," Emmett said, making his voice deeper as he spoke in a serious tone. I grinned at him and he slid the intercom over to me, giving me a thumbs up.

I cleared my throat and flipped it back on. "Excuse this interruption but would Mr. Banner please report to the front of the school. Your life partner is waiting outside and he wishes to give you a pair of your underwear since you aren't wearing any. He also requests that you do not soil them this time," I said in a serious monotone before turning it off. **(That is not supposed to offend anyone, it's just meant to be funny.) **

Emmett burst out laughing. "Okay, okay! I got a good one," he said, excitedly grabbing the intercom. "Attention students; testicles, that is all," he said before flipping it off. We both howled with laughter at the stupidity and high-fived.

"You two are in _so _much trouble."

Our eyes went wide at the sound of the voice and we slowly turned around. "Hi Mom," we both said sheepishly.

**OOoOooOOOHHhhhHHHhh! They've been caught! Shit! Favorite parts?? Favorite line???**


	7. Why So Serious

**Thanks for all the reviews!! Here's a quick update for ya since I seem to be on a roll!**

**I don't own anything!**

**Playlist For Chapter:**

**Poker Face--Lady Ga Ga**

**We Want Fun--Andrew W.K.**

Chapter 7--Why So Serious?

"Emmett, what did you do to Ms. Garrington?" Esme asked slowly.

Emmett snorted. "It may have been my idea but Bella's the one who brought the hair dye," he said easily as I glared. Thanks big brother of mine.

Esme looked shocked for a second and then her face turned back into a blank state. It was pretty intimidating. "Don't make me call Carlisle you two; where is she?" Esme asked again.

I sighed. "Closet," I said, reluctantly pointing to the door.

She looked at both of us carefully before swiftly walking over and swinging the door open. You could see the principal-Ms. Garrington, sitting with her back pressed up against the wall with her knees to her chest with her brand new Dora The Explorer purple hair cut and clown suit as she rocked back and forth, hyperventilating like a fat man in a triathlon.

Esme turned around with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open as Emmett and I carefully avoided eye contact with her. "What did you two do?" she asked incredulously, her voice practically a whisper.

"Nothing. We found her in there," Emmett said so easily that it could very well be true. But it wasn't.

"They moved to fast. And…it was all a blur. There was a baby-the baby was crying and so…so deformed. It was all wrong. Everything's wrong. Purple hair. Cold hands…," Ms. Garrington whispered to herself, her eyes staring blankly ahead of her as she continued to mumble to herself.

"Oh my God," Esme said as she crouched down and put a hand on Ms. Garrington's shoulder who flinched away. "Ms. Garrington are you alright?" No answer. "I can help you if you answer me…Ms. Garrington?"

"Ms. Garrington's not here right now, please leave a message after the beep. Beep," Ms. Garrington said, her eyes clouding over and a weird smile on her face.

"I'm calling Carlisle," Esme said decidedly.

Emmett and I both shot each other wide eyed looks. "Please Esme, we really didn't know she was in there. Well, we knew-we could hear her-but if we had told anyone we would've gotten expelled and had to move away or something. We didn't know, honest," Emmett said, making his eyes all wide as he frowned. What a little shit.

Esme sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Go back to class, I'll handle this," she said as she shook her head. Emmett and I both jumped up and hid our walkie-talkies in our pockets and headed for the door. "Wait," she said suddenly, just as we were about to open the door. We slowly turned around to see her holding Jeff by the foot, staring at the plastic, melted doll incredulously. "Please tell me this isn't supposed to be a baby," she said, almost pleadingly.

"Jeff is not a baby," Emmett said, taking her out of Esme's hold. "She's a new born," Emmett told her, chuckling delightedly at his joke.

Esme groaned and rubbed her face with her hands. "See what happens when you make us siblings?" I asked her pointedly.

"It won't happen again," she promised me solemnly. I flashed her a quick smile just before Emmett dragged me into the hall as the bell rang for last period. Well this should be fun. We have Jasper in our next class.

………………………………................................................................................................

BEGINNING OF NEXT PERIOD

"Is it true that Jason guy called you a bitch?" Jasper asked as Emmett and I walked into the room.

"Yeah, and I'm kicking his ass after school-thought you might want to get a piece of it," Emmett said with an evil smile on his face.

"Definitely-and it's a safe bet Edward is too. When you made that announcement I could feel his anger across campus," Jasper said, glaring into space. I rolled my eyes. Overprotective brothers and husband-they never learn. "Wait, how did you two get in there anyway?" he asked, confused.

"Oh, that's a McCarty secret-we can't share with outsiders," Emmett said, grinning as he swung an arm over my shoulder. Jasper just rolled his eyes as the teacher walked in.

"Alright class, for today's lesson we're going to be going outside and observing the environment around us. Sadly, it's a still a bit cloudy outside but it shouldn't rain," she said as she picked up her jacket and everyone followed suit.

"Sweet," Emmett said with a grin as we followed everyone down the hall.

"Hey Emmett, where's Jeff?" I asked him quietly, knowing for a fact that it was his shift.

"Uh…he's taking a nap," Emmett told me picking at his finger nails.

"Whoa, what happened to your finger?" Jasper asked with wide eyes as he stared at Emmett's hand. I snorted. Oh, he means Emmett's slightly charred pinky.

"Well, I was in the bathroom and-"

"-You know what? Never mind," Jasper said, interrupting him as he shot me a pitying look. Good God Emmett.

"Alright class, today we're going to be starting a special project. You'll be in groups of-" the teacher cut herself off just as sirens blared through the parking lot and an ambulance pulled right up to the front door, a couple of paramedics jumping out and jogging inside with a stretcher. Everyone was silent as they came out, a few minutes later, with Ms. Garrington strapped down, giggling like a maniac, still in her clown suit and purple hair. "Oh my," the teacher said before hurrying over to the ambulance.

Everyone immediately broke out in conversation about our poor principal. "Did you two do that?" Jasper asked incredulously, staring at Emmett and I with wide eyes.

Emmett snorted. "Psh, no. You're talking about me and Bella here. We would never do something like that," he said easily as I gave him a look. "Yes. Yes we did," he said seriously.

"What has he done to you Bella?" Jasper asked, turning to me and putting two hands on my shoulders. "You have the same emotional pattern but he must have done something to you," he said dramatically. "Did he threaten you? Or lace a deer's blood? Or brainwash-"

"-I didn't do anything," Emmett said defensively. "The purple hair was her idea," he told Jasper.

"I'm not kidding around Emmett. What did you do to her?" Jasper asked him seriously.

"Jeez, am I ever allowed to have any fun?" I asked rhetorically.

Jasper looked at me in surprise. "Did you poison her brain or something? Listen to her! Edward is going to kill you," Jasper told Emmett seriously.

"Hey," I said, getting Jasper's attention. "It was my idea. I have went along with just about everything Emmett has done," I told him as Jasper continued to stare at me in surprise. "You know, it's actually kind of fun," I admitted with a grin.

"Edward's going to kill you," he repeated, turning back to Emmett.

"Doubt it. I mean, Alice would've warned me about that," Emmett said easily.

"You involved Alice in this?" Jasper asked incredulously.

"How do you think we would know the exact chairs you, Edward, and Rosalie were going to sit in? Hm?" I asked him with a grin.

"Oh my God," Jasper muttered to himself. "Who are you going to corrupt next Emmett? Esme?" Jasper asked, sounding slightly hysterical.

"I could never do that-especially after she let us get away with the principal thing," Emmett added, looking at me.

"Yeah, that was definitely helpful," I said, nodding to myself as Jasper looked back and forth between Emmett and I incredulously.

"Edward. Is. Going. To. Kill. You," Jasper told Emmett slowly as he emphasized each word.

"Oh whatever Jazz, you need to loosen up," Emmett said with a wave of his hand. Jasper just rolled his eyes.

"No, he's right Jasper. You need to have a little fun. You have great control now and I think you can do a couple more risky things during school-you know, draw a little more harmless attention to yourself," I said easily. He's always so uptight.

"You did it Emmett, are you happy now? You corrupted the uncorruptable. You are the Joker and you finally succeeded in getting inside Batman's head and now he's about ready to blow up Gotham city just for the fun of it!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Does this mean you're going to be our Harvey Dent?" I asked him happily. Jasper could definitely be useful to us.

"Bella?!" Jasper exclaimed with wide eyes.

"What? I thought we were using Batman metaphors?" I asked, looking back and forth at Emmett and Jasper.

"No, I thought that was a good one," Emmett said, nodding.

"Oh, thanks Em," I said grinning as Jasper continued to stare wide eyed.

"This is worse than when you all were talking about that lost monkey baby," he said incredulously.

"Jeff is not a monkey," Emmett said as I nodded.

"Oh my God!" Jasper exclaimed again.

**Okay, so this was kind of a filler chapter-and just so you all know that I'm not discontinuing it or anything. I just need a little help from Jasper in a bit :DDD what did you think? FAVORITE LINES? PART? REVIEW!!**


	8. It's In My Shoe

I HAVE COME TO A DECISION!

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I would like to spontaneously acquire an Irish accent.

Anyway, I just wanted everyone to know that I just recently got my computer back because it crashed and I've been really freak'n busy since then so I'm gonna start updating again this week. Yes. That is all I wanted to say. And if you read this once make sure you don't read it again. Even you like hearing from me. You're not allowed to. Because I said so.


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